Tell Me Why

(The Beatles, 1964)

Tell me why, why, why the Scripps Spelling Bee, broadcast tonight on national, prime-time television, was rated PG? I paid attention. There was no violence, sex or drug usage. There was, however, quite a bit of language that could have been construed as subversive: they had foreign (sometimes even unknown) roots. Like Latin or Greek. That had to have been the reason. Possible terrorist thematic elements.

After the second round I gave up trying to spell the words correctly (although I did spell helzel right; it's some kind of yiddish dish involving the skin of a chicken neck - how disgusting is that?). I gave myself points for just knowing what the words meant. I got one point. For pappardelle. It's a kind of pasta. It was embarrassing how excited I got when I heard the word and realized I knew what it was. I almost got out of my chair. Ok, I really only kind of raised my head off the back of the chair. I was in a fugue state. The sheer number of vowels involved in these words was apocalyptic. I consider myself a fairly decent speller, but these kids (aged 11-14) were off the hook. I have said a thousand times (and my children will verify this) that the best class I ever took in school (11th grade) was semantics. All those roots words, suffixes, prefixes, etc. It's helped me out of more tight spots than you can even begin to imagine, especially on Jeopardy (again, the useless information). I'm sure these cream-of-the-crop spellers could teach the class, although Miss Reidel, with her little bird legs, cat-eye glasses and permanently pursed lips, did a bang up job.

So, the next time the Scripps spelling bee comes on TV, cover the kids' ears. You don't know what's going to pop out of that reader's mouth. It might be the word for nicely formed buttocks, which is, of course c-a-l-l-i-p-y-g-i-a-n. Callipygian.