The Randomness of My Thought Processes

One night last week Ron and I were channel surfing and he paused on a channel that was televising a game of high stakes poker. Now, for the life of me I've never been able to figure poker out. Too many kinds of hands. Royal flush, straight, full house. If I ever played poker I'd have to have sunglasses that hide my whole face because I'm sure I'd stick out my tongue or spit or say something inappropriate if I got a bad hand. But then again, I wouldn't know if I had a bad hand. Anyway, Ron says, "Oh, he's got wired nines." Once again, as has happened more times than I can even begin to imagine over the last 27 years, my jaw dropped open and I stared dumbfounded at him. "How in the heck do you know that?" He shrugged and gave me his "Betty" face, which mainly says, "Oh, I don't know. I just do."

Later in the evening a commercial came on and I said, "That font is 'Afternoon Delight.'" How pathetic is that? I now can identify fonts on sight. Again, with the useless information. I lamented to Ron that at least the knowledge he has could potentially win him a million dollars. My "fontabulary" has no value whatsoever. Unless there was a game called "Name that Font." "Pat, I can name that font in one letter." "Janet, name that font." (Does anyone even remember "Name that Tune"?)

Changing gears . . . the other night Tyler found his "Identi-Kid" card that was made in 2001. It was downright hysterical. He would have been 12 and he only weighed 85 pounds. Then I remembered a conversation I had with Jessica (my beautiful boss lady) about her son, Brogan. She had a booster seat in the car and when I asked her what it was for and she told me that KS safety laws now require booster seats for all kids under 100 pounds. So I got even more hysterical when I told Tyler he should have been in a booster seat. We laughed our heinies off! So, take a look at the picture on the left . . . it was taken around the same time as his "Identi-Kid" picture. He absolutely HATES this picture, but it's one of my favorites.

Finally . . . Ron listens to NPR constantly and there's this segment called "Star Date." It usually sends me to the moon (ha) because it just points out how much money is being spent acquiring knowledge that we really have no use for . . . like what's inside a star. Show of hands . . . who cares what's inside a star? Has anyone successfully lassoed one and performed an autopsy on one? Yeah, I didn't think so. Now, if someone was to discover that it was full of chocolate mousse. . . well, that's another story entirely. Gimme a spoon.

Eccentric or Crazy? You Decide . . .

From time to time Ron gets a little, shall I say "put out" by the fact that he appears so regularly as a featured guest/target in my blog. This discomfort usually comes when someone other than the four people in our family actually read my blog - which is increasingly rare and may prompt me to just forget the whole thing (yes, that's blackmail). The other day one of his colleagues at work happened upon it and read about Ron's stereo component revelation and apparently gave Ron the business (that's a phrase straight out of "Leave it to Beaver" - translated it means he gave Ron a hard time).

So, now Ron's all "Quit using me in your blog." To which I calmly and lovingly reply - again -"Quit giving me so much good material." I told him not to worry, that it just makes him appear eccentric, which, in my mind, is a much kinder and gentler word than "crazy." So over the last few days Ron's been polling our family about which word is better. Most agree with me (smirk) and just leave it at that. Which should make Ron really nervous because you know they're all thinking "Pretty words can dress it up BUT A NUT IS A NUT!"

Actually, I think I'M the one whose certifiable. Discuss . . .

Old Lang Syne

Dan Fogelberg died today. It was surprising to me how instantly and profoundly sad I was. My heart literally hurt. I don't know when I first became aware of his music. It had to have been in college.

The year I was a junior my family took a road trip to Williamsburg, VA, leaving the day after Christmas. Ron and I had just started dating a few months before so the last thing I was really excited about was being separated from him for a week during our Christmas break. I remember riding in our huge Buick LeSabre down a really snowy and slick road in the hills of Virginia listening to "Old Lang Syne," just craving Ron's arms around me. That song immediately transports me back to that cold winter day. And I'm still craving those strong arms of Ron Martin.

We had "Longer" sung at our wedding (by Robin Lynn Macy, one of my sorority sisters and one of the original Dixie Chicks). And I sang it at a friend's wedding. Kate was incubated to the sounds of "Home Free," my favorite Fogelberg album (and I think one of his first, if not THE first album). And, not surprising at all, it's one of Kate's favorite albums, too. The music is hauntingly poignant in its lyrics and has beautiful instrumentation. I can be totally stressed out and as soon as I hear the first chord it's all gone. I think if more people had "Home Free" the makers of Prozac would go out of business.

I have one of Dan Fogelberg's guitar picks. My brother found it onstage at the concert hall at MU after one of his concerts. How do I know it was Fogelberg's? Because he was the only one on stage.

We got to see him once in concert. I was about eight months pregnant with Tyler and it was at Sandstone. Again, he was the only one on stage and it was unforgettable. Tyler says one of his strongest memories of our old house is coming downstairs on Saturday mornings to a warm fire and Dan Fogelberg music. I'm so glad we didn't go to a Kiss concert during our children's formative years.

I'm going to go dig out all those cd's right now and let the mellow begin . . .

Glitterazi

This morning I felt like I was driving through Narnia. Or on my way to the Ice Palace in "Dr. Zhivago." It was really stunning.

Of course I say it was stunning because - miracle of miracles - we didn't lose power like thousands of others in nearby towns. I was so convinced that we would be shivering in front of the fire that I told everyone that we'd be shivering by the fire. Evidently that was a good strategy because not once in the last few days have we been shivering by the fire. So, that's my new M.O. I'm going to be a Negative Nellie. Mr. Glass Always Half Empty. Doomsday Dora. Anyone who utters anything that remotely smacks of optimism will be met with a hearty scowl and gruff "Bah, humbug!"

So there.

The Brain of My Husband

I've known for quite some time that my husband possesses a brain unique only to him. I don't think he knows what it's like to think INSIDE the box. I gave up trying to figure out how he processes things a long time ago. Here's why. Tonight we were watching one of the few shows that he'll actually sit down to watch - "Life" on NBC. It has one of my favorite actors, Damian Lewis, and another of my favorites, Adam Arkin. Anyway, Lewis' character spent 12 years in prison for a crime he didn't commit and, as a result, had a lot of time to think about things. A lot of time. Therefore, he, like Ron, processes things a bit oddly. He (Lewis' character) was having a discussion about physics with another character on the show. Something about how everything's always in motion so in reality it really isn't there, it's just more there than not. Whatever. All of the sudden, Ron Martin, exclaims, "I've had a revelation. A pure and powerful revelation." I immediately told him to be quiet and save it until a commercial. Which was a risk, I know, since neither one of us seems to be able to remember anything these days.

Finally! A commercial. So I asked Ron what the revelation was, thinking it was some sort of spiritual awakening or some kind of psychic communication as to the whereabouts of Jimmy Hoffa. But no. It was all about the cable box. We recently chucked the gargantuan armoire that held our tv, so now all of the stereo components are underneath the tv on the floor. His big revelation? The cable box has no moving parts, so we can put the dvd player on top of the tuner and cd player and stand the cable box on its side, thereby making it much more presentable to the human eye. ARE YOU SERIOUS? Of course he is. Two minutes on the floor and he's grinning like he just discovered that the city of Merriam is allowing burning today. No kidding. His day is perfect if he can play with fire. Am I a blessed woman or what?

Up next: A kinda funny, maybe not so funny story about Tyler.