There's Wisdom in Menopause?

That's what Kate said when I told her I'd purchased a book with that title yesterday. I laughed and said, "Yes, there's more than just craziness." I'm not sure she's convinced.

Not that I'm in the throes of menopause. Perimenopause, yes. But so far the symptoms have been fairly benign. Knock on wood. But last week a discussion on Oprah (again, I must assert that I rarely watch her show, but the topic intrigued me) about hormone replacement introduced me to this MD who wrote the aforementioned book. I thought I'd be a smart consumer and health advocate so I bought it.

After the author's second reference to tarot cards (in the first chapter) and one reference to her reliance on psychics and astrologers I began to question whether this was wisdom I really needed. I decided "not" and asked Ron to return the book, which he did (thank you). I think I'll rely on old-fashioned conversations with my doctor and a few hours searching the internet for answers so I'll be ready if and when the time arises that I need my hormones adjusted.

Stay tuned . . . 'cause you know I'll keep you posted.

Pill Freak (and other Abnormalities)

As I write, I'm in the process of taking the last jigger of my daily cocktail of fifteen pills. And not a one of them is mind altering. I take six calcium pills a day. Three multivitamins. Two stool softeners (gross), one blood pressure, one cholesterol and one water pill. Back in the day I could have taken three or four at a time, but since the opening to my stomach is now only the size of an M&M I have to take them one at a time, wait a couple minutes and then pop another one. Between popping pills, drinking a half a gallon of water a day (not kidding), obsessively counting how many grams of protein I've been able to eat, I barely have time to watch all my dvr'd Cops and Judge Judy shows. My life used to be so carefree . . .

In between all the popping, gulping, counting and brain cell killing I generally find time to walk three miles a day. I walk to Shawnee Mission North, do a mile or so on the track and then head back home. At the entrance to the stadium there's a sign that says something like: "Please do not bring the following into the stadium - Gum, tobacco products or sunflower seeds."

Sunflower seeds? My first thought was "How un-Kansan is that?" I mean, it's our state flower, right? Do they think random seeds will sprout and cover the blessed football field? I think that would be really pretty. I mentioned this to Tyler and he said, "Mom, those seeds are really hard." Could they be fashioned into weapons, maybe?

Turns out the sign is pretty ineffective. There's all sorts of gum globbed on the track. Different colored hues and shapes create a lovely mosaic. I have to force myself not to look down lest I get caught up in a psychedelic rush. I haven't seen any evidence of tobacco products, but I'm keeping an eye out. I did, however, spy a lone sunflower shell the other day.

I stashed it in my sock. Just in case.