Pill Freak (and other Abnormalities)

As I write, I'm in the process of taking the last jigger of my daily cocktail of fifteen pills. And not a one of them is mind altering. I take six calcium pills a day. Three multivitamins. Two stool softeners (gross), one blood pressure, one cholesterol and one water pill. Back in the day I could have taken three or four at a time, but since the opening to my stomach is now only the size of an M&M I have to take them one at a time, wait a couple minutes and then pop another one. Between popping pills, drinking a half a gallon of water a day (not kidding), obsessively counting how many grams of protein I've been able to eat, I barely have time to watch all my dvr'd Cops and Judge Judy shows. My life used to be so carefree . . .

In between all the popping, gulping, counting and brain cell killing I generally find time to walk three miles a day. I walk to Shawnee Mission North, do a mile or so on the track and then head back home. At the entrance to the stadium there's a sign that says something like: "Please do not bring the following into the stadium - Gum, tobacco products or sunflower seeds."

Sunflower seeds? My first thought was "How un-Kansan is that?" I mean, it's our state flower, right? Do they think random seeds will sprout and cover the blessed football field? I think that would be really pretty. I mentioned this to Tyler and he said, "Mom, those seeds are really hard." Could they be fashioned into weapons, maybe?

Turns out the sign is pretty ineffective. There's all sorts of gum globbed on the track. Different colored hues and shapes create a lovely mosaic. I have to force myself not to look down lest I get caught up in a psychedelic rush. I haven't seen any evidence of tobacco products, but I'm keeping an eye out. I did, however, spy a lone sunflower shell the other day.

I stashed it in my sock. Just in case.