The Old Lady Who Lived in a Shoe

She's really not an old lady (probably in her late 30's) and doesn't live in a shoe (in Arkansas), but she definitely has so many children she doesn't know what to do. Obviously she doesn't know what to do or she wouldn't have so many children. This family bent on fielding two complete baseball teams is just a shortstop shy. The Duggar family added number seventeen to their brood earlier this week when daughter Jennifer made her debut in the minor leagues. Her oldest brother is 19 and her youngest sibling is two. They all have names beginning with "J." This last one was delivered in half an hour. Pushing that many out I'm surprised she doesn't just have a little area on her tummy that she could depress with her finger and out the new baby would pop. Like a vending machine.

This family, if you haven't heard of them, lives in Tontitown, AR, just a few miles from where my parents lived in Rogers. He used to be a state representative and, as my dad was the chair of the democratic party in Benton County, they used to receive Christmas cards from them. They were downright creepy. All the girls were dressed in red plaid (including mom) and the boys had matching outfits as well, perhaps with plaid bow ties. They all have the same kind of hairstyles and the same kind of plastic grins on their assorted mugs.

They recently built a new home - by themselves - that's 7,000 square feet. I think their old house had maybe two bathrooms. Did you ever see "Yours, Mine and Ours" with Lucille Ball and Henry Fonda. They were both spouseless and decided to get married. I think they had 18 kids between them. Fonda, a Navy guy, came up with this elaborate color-coded numbering system that identified which bedroom and bath each kid was assigned to. I'm sure this Arkansas family has some sort of system as well. They've been featured on the Discovery Channel and probably make a ton of money from it. From what I understand the father owns real estate in Northwest Arkansas, which has experienced stupid fast growth in the last 15 years. And, of course, Mrs. Baby Machine doesn't work. I'd think she'd almost like an eight to five job to escape the insanity. She homeschools them all, making the Duggar school one of the largest schools in Arkansas. Had to get a dig in somewhere.

Ron and I mailed our first payment to Emporia State today. So I got to thinking. If every one of their children goes to college at a state university that's $10,000 a year . . . that adds up to a whopping $680,000. And that doesn't take into account that tuition will most assuredly rise every year. They'll HAVE to keep having kids so the Discovery Channel will keep making specials about them.

The article I read said that they have used 90,000 diapers (which could be why we are experiencing landfill problems in our country) and that she's been pregnant for ten and a half years of her life. Re-read that sentence. Ten and a half years being pregnant. I have no witty comeback to that. Except maybe (of course you knew there was going to be an "except"): JUST SAY NO! Make Nancy Reagan proud.