Shamed Into Action

That's right, no song title. Ever again. I have been mercilessly shamed into admitting that I'm a dolt when it comes to music. I just finished watching VH1's World Pop Culture matches and I think I was able to identify one song in the whole series. It was "Hips Don't Lie" by Shakira and that's only because we saw it 836 thousand times while we were in Italy (don't you know I love working that phrase "while we were in Italy" into conversation. It's so, you know, European). If that funny host guy had sung the songs maybe I'd have fared better. No, probably not. I'm painfully underexposed to rap and hip hop music, which doesn't upset me all that much. I'd rather be underexposed to that sort of thing than something really important, like oxygen. Or chocolate.

This is why I think I'm so woefully behind the curve when it comes to "modern" music: Most Saturday nights Ron and I listen to NPR's "Retro Cocktail Hour," which is really a misnomer since it's on for two hours. It serves up music "that's shaken, not stirred." It's wicked stuff. Lots of horns, bongo drums and xylophones. And once in a while some swanky organ music. Total swanky and a little slinky, too. I picture a brunette with a sleeveless black hip hugging dress, lots of black eyeliner and blue eyeshadow and ratted, teased and backcombed hair. Black hose and stilettos. Oh, and frosted pink lipstick. Sucking on a Winston and knocking back vodka gimlets like there's no tomorrow. Ah, those were the days . . . I could sure hold my liquor back then. Oh, wait. That was Kool-Aid I was holding. Silly me.

Tonight they played the theme song from Charlie's Angels by Henry Mancini and his orchestra, and I was instantly back in high school watching Farrah Fawcett toss that tawny mane of hers and flashing that neon white smile. You know she was only on that show for one season. Sure got a lot of mileage out of it. The fact that this song was on the Retro show . . . doesn't do much for my ego. Anyway, another one of the songs they played was "Lady In a Car with Glasses and a Gun." Not even kidding. It's Lawrence Welk music served with a martini instead of a glass of warm milk. You should check it out. Saturday nights, NPR from 7-9. After that they have an hour of songs from Broadway musicals, which sends me over the moon. I sing like I'm good at it and Ron wisely keeps his thoughts to himself. I think tonight it's music from West Side Story. We had "One Hand, One Heart" sung at our wedding. But without the voice double's thick Puerto Rican accent.

If you'd told me twenty-six years ago that Ron and I would be listening to cocktail music on public radio on Saturday nights I would have said you had me confused with my parents. I would have predicted that we'd be doing something much more romantic, you know, something that makes your heart race. Hmmmm. Gotta run. What? Oh, you thought . . . no, I think I hear "Maria." Hee hee. Fooled you! For real.