I'm Henry the VIII, I Am

(Herman's Hermits, 1965)

My latest foray into nonfiction is a book about the six wives of Henry VIII. It's somewhat tedious, but nonetheless a fascinating study of the women who found themselves attached (and in some cases detached, literally) to England's most famous male monarch.

I've just finished reading about Katherine of Aragon, Henry's first wife, and have just begun my study on Anne Boleyn. Actually, the first sentence kind of tells the whole story . . . "The story of Henry VIII and Anne Boleyn began with passion and ended with a bloody death." Since the whole plot was kind of spoiled, I was sorely tempted to just skip ahead to Jane Seymour (not to be confused with Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman), but decided I shouldn't sell Anne so short. I'm glad I didn't. On the very next page came a startling revelation. Apparently, among her detractors was a Catholic critic who said she was the "author of all the mischief that was befalling the realm." Now that's my kind of woman. One who can stir up the pot and make all the bad stuff come to the surface. Now, in truth, I doubt the (first) lady to lose her head over the king was capable of disturbing all the peace in Britannia. That would be like blaming our president for all the trouble in the US of A. Hmmmmm. Not gonna go there, not gonna do it. But if I were him, I'd be wearing one of those big plastic collar things around his neck. Chop, chop.

Henry's myriad wives were the result of one thing - the unrelenting pressure to provide an heir to the throne. Many sons were born, but none survived to ascend to the throne (except maybe the bastard one and that was never gonna happen). In the end, Henry left only two legitimate heirs, Mary (from Katherine of Aragon) and Elizabeth (from Anne Boleyn). And we all know that Mary lost her head (at Elizabeth's behest; it took three chops of the axe to sever her head and I heard a nasty rumor that her mouth was still moving once her head finally rolled - reportedly her lips were moving in prayer) and Elizabeth ruled for 45 years. (I'd like to say that I knew how long EI's reign was, but I had to google it - now I know it, but probably won't remember it.) So there, Henry. Doesn't necessarily require a pair of you-know-whats to be a brilliant leader.

As a history major, my love for English history came late in my college career. In fact, had I not changed my major to history in the middle of my junior year (again, wouldn't recommend it) I probably wouldn't have ever learned that Richard III was the guy with the hump on his back or that Elizabeth I wore that awful white stuff on her face to conceal scars caused by some sort of pox (actually, I think I may have learned that in a movie). Anyway . . . England has a rich (literally - all the jewels, come on!) and spellbinding history. I would highly recommend the Masterpiece Theater piece on Elizabeth I (the one with Anne-Marie Duff). The music alone is absolutely wonderful. Duff gives an excellent portrayal of this once-reluctant queen, better, I think, than Helen Mirren's performance. And Cate Blanchet, well she was just plain creepy and chalk-boardy.

Other great period movies about England in the mid-centuries:
The Lion in Winter, about Henry II and Eleanor of Aquitane (Katharine Hepburn is, as always, superb)
A Man for All Seasons, about Sir Thomas More and his refusal to support Henry VIII in his attempt to have his marriage to Katherine of Aragon annulled so he can marry Anne Boleyn
Anne of a Thousand Days, about Henry VIII and Anne Boleyn

Other English movies I'd watch over and over again:
Pride & Prejudice (the A&E version with Colin Firth, NOT the one with Kiera "I Have Equine Teeth" Knightly)
Sense & Sensibility
Emma
Mrs. Brown (about Queen Victoria)
Remains of the Day
Vera Drake (FABULOUS movie about a woman who . . . you have to see it)

Happy viewing!