Snap! There it is. I've lost it. Gone. Over the edge and then some. If I hear ONE more walnut hit the roof I'm clawing my way through the ceiling and personally ripping down every one of our seven mammoth walnut trees. With my bare hands. I don't care that I just got my nails done. Or that they look really lovely. Thud. Thudthud. THUD. Thudthudthudthudthud. It's been a nonstop barrage for two weeks. You know that commercial where all the weapons of yesteryear come raining down on some guy's deck? That's what it's like sitting on the screened in porch. I've got a permanent jerk to all of my features now because those damned walnuts keeps - DAMN - another one just hit! The product for that deck commercial is some weather proofing paint stuff you can put on it to minimize damage (it obviously also protects against those weapons of yesteryear, because if it didn't it would be considered false advertising). I think I just need to get some six foot thick foam rubber and blanket the house and yard with it. That wouldn't be too weird, would it? Can't be any more unsightly than the Motel 6 next to us.
When you add in the squirrel factor, Ron's the one who goes off the deep end. They are digging up everything diggable in our yard. Why? To hide the damn walnuts. Ron wants to buy a gun, which I've said is too inhumane, because I'm thinking that we'd have a bunch of squirrels limping around our yard, with little casts on their paws. That's just what we need. A VA hospital for varmints. If this constant assault of walnuts and digging doesn't stop soon, both Ron and I will need a hospital. And lots of drugs.
1 comment:
i totally lost it on the "squirrel factor" part. hilarious. my dad sits in his garden with a high powered assault BB gun (like top of the line, we're talkin here) and shoots anything he sees. quite frightening, but makes for good stories! haha. horrible.
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