Superfreak

Apparently, I am some sort of freak of nature because my body seems to be completely immune to the benefits of pain pills. Sad, sad case in point . . .

Over the past eight years, I've had about six instances where I do something seemingly innocuous and end up with excruciating lower back pain. Things like making the bed or picking up a basket of laundry (and don't think I didn't use that to get out of a lot of chores). I feel a tiny pop in my back and within hours I'm in great agony. A couple of weeks ago I picked up a pillow (a decorative pillow, not even one of our fluffy down pillows) and I felt the twinge. Out of commission for a day.

On Saturday, Ron and I headed over to Panera to pick up some treats for our friends, Dave & Lisa, who just moved to OP from Virginia. I got out of the car and felt a little ache in my lower back. By the time we left Panera, I was holding on to the counters because I couldn't stand up. When we got home I took TWO Tylenol #3 with codeine. Ron was all like, "Well, you're done for the day." Didn't phase me one bit. Three hours later I drove to Dave and Lisa's and was able to carry on a coherent conversation, which is more than I can say for Ron when he took one of those little pills after his nose surgery.

Sunday morning I almost passed out in the shower and was in so much pain I threw up. This episode has been, by far, the worst yet. So today I finally went to the doctor, pretty much begging for drugs. Because the pain that was in my lower back has now been joined by an incredible tightening all up and down my back. It's like my spinal chord has just seized up. The good doctor prescribed Oxycodone (percocet) AND Flexeril (a muscle relaxer) and, for good measure, told me to take Advil, too.

I called my mom to tell her what the doctor prescribed and she started yelling, "That's what your father was on [when he had back surgery] and it put him out of his head." Oh, my. She handed the phone to my father, saying, "Janet's taking the same medicine that put you out of your head." My father's advice? "Don't go out of your head." They crack me up.

So, I come home, eat dinner and pop two oxycodone. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Still in pain. Still mad at the world. About an hour ago I took the muscle relaxer. And now I'm writing a blog. I will say I'm a little buzzed, but I've gotten higher sucking helium from a balloon. But that really doesn't have anything to do with alleviating pain, does it? Ok, scratch that bit about the helium.

You know, being a Superfreak is not all it's cracked up to be.