After Ron and I had spent an hour or so listening to "The Retro Cocktail Hour" (best song of the night: "Danger in Go-Go Boots"), we flipped on the telly and happened upon the Eukanuba Dog Show. My favorite category was on: Toy Dogs. Most of them are too darn cute, even if they do spend five times longer on their hair than me. But it's obviously totally worth it. The way they prance around! And once they've been thoroughly inspected by the judge (Ron and I think they need to start training new judges because all of these dowagers are at least 85, still tottering around, peering into mouths and feeling unmentionable things), the dogs are put down on the floor to strut their stuff and they ALL shake themselves - I think it's to fluff out their hair again. This one female handler was nervously combing the dog's hair as the judge was approaching and when she was finished combing, she stuck the comb in HER hair. Yikes.
But perhaps THE BEST twenty seconds of the night was when this male handler was teasing his dog with a yummy doggy treat and then, I don't know, either he thought the treat was a Hershey Kiss or he just got really flustered by the judge's hands and their close proximity to the dog's jewels . . . he popped the treat INTO HIS OWN MOUTH. If I'm lyin' I'm dyin'. And then once they got to the trotting portion the handler spit the soggy mess back into his hand. I didn't see it at first, but all of the sudden Ron started yelling, "HE SAW IT, TOO!" I made him rewind it (again, the glories of dvr) and sure enough, the guy pops the treat into his mouth and the camera immediately cut to a shot of a man in the audience with a very confused look on his face, as if to say "Did that handler just . . . no, he wouldn't . . . oh, that poor dog" and then we see the man spit it out again. Well, I got to laughing so hard I seriously thought I was going to die because I couldn't breathe. I needed someone to slap me, but Ron was laughing, too, and I couldn't get his attention because - like I said - I couldn't breathe. I hadn't laughed that long since Alan Arkin was enlightening everyone in the car about the randiness of the ladies at the old folks' home in "Little Miss Sunshine."
Finally, if for some reason - like you've been in outer space for the last ten years - you haven't seen "Best In Show" you simply must. End of story.
1 comment:
I think it would be quite benifical to come up with some type of tagging system so that you can track the critters and be able to tell if they find their way back home or imagine if you're on vacation, hundreds of miles away. You are sitting for a moment and a squirrel scanters by just as the sun hits it's little ankle bracelet and there, right in front of you, is Squirrel Number 232!
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